Marcus Kazmierczak

Some canned comedy to make you go huh!?

Date: Feb 10, 2005

There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger;
neither apple nor pine in pineapple.
English muffins weren’t invented in England or French fries in France.
Quicksand works slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is
neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

  • And why is it that writers write but fingers don’t fing, grocers don’t groce and hammers don’t ham?

  • If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn’t the plural of booth beeth?

  • One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? Doesn’t it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend.

  • If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it? Is it an odd, or an end?

  • If teachers taught, why didn’t preachers praught?

  • If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?

  • In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital?

  • Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell?

  • How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?

  • You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which, an alarm goes off by going on.

  • English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all.

  • That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.